legohead (legomilk) wrote in dallaspartykids,

  • Music:

"Hi, my name is Santa Claus and I'm an Alcoholic."

"I need a drink real bad, and I'm hornier than a whole herd of reindeer. Keep your kids away from me. Keep your dog away from me. Me and my friends (30 other loser Santas) just graduated from the Kris Kringle Institute, and now we're gonna paint the town red. And white. And shove jingle bells up its ass! Merry fucking Christmas!

"Anyone can be a Santa. All it takes is a red suit and a white beard and strangers will treat you like a rich uncle even when you're stinking drunk and fondling their kids and saying things like "ever seen the north pole, sweetheart?" Oriental Trading Co. sells the full getup for $25, made in China out of 100% manmade materials by genuine political prisoners. One size fits all, and no, that ain't no candy cane in my pocket!"

(taken from

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